New beginnings come from endings
“New beginnings come from endings”
What Happens In Between?
This quote was Grief Relief’s first Facebook post and came from thinking about this ‘new beginning’ in my business and what brought me here, ‘the ending’ of something else.
The something else was a workplace situation which had been troubling me for a while. After some time I recognised it as workplace bullying, a situation I hadn’t encountered before. It was a relief to finally understand what it was. When my concerns fell on deaf ears, my time there was done.
“You gotta know when its time to turn the page” Tori Amos
From there good things have come. I’m now doing what I really want which is working on my business. My energy has increased along with excitement at the possibilities.
“Sometimes when things fall apart they fall into place”
Getting from there to here wasn’t easy though. There was that place and time ‘in between’ which was full of uncertainty and fear. Becoming willing to let go of the familiar and reliable was scary but I had a choice in this and the prospect of not doing so and regretting it seemed a worse fate.
“Don’t be afraid of change, it is leading you to a new beginning”
Several years ago while working in cancer support, I came across the lovely soft sounding word, liminality. In reality, it is anything but soft and lovely. In the cancer context, it was referring to a period post treatment where many cancer patients feel they are no longer the same person they were before diagnosis but not yet sure of who they are now or what their future holds.
Liminality: being in a state of limbo
‘Living in the Land of Limbo’ can be a difficult and uncomfortable place for most of us because we’re out of our norm and comfort zone. The land is usually unfamiliar and uncertain and this can cause anxiety which if left unchecked, can manifest in mental and physical health problems.
Similarly with grief, we may experience liminality for quite some time after a significant loss. Along with the loss of a person, pet, job, health, relationship, home or country for example, we may also lose our sense of worth, purpose, identity and place in the world. When this happens, it’s a big job putting ourselves back together again but unlike Humpty Dumpty, it is possible.
“Who Am I now?” “What now?”
Before we can address these big questions however we need to attend to our grief. This is a time for mourning our losses, acknowledging and honouring our feelings, expressing and moving through them, a process which has its own time and is not to be hurried, avoided or medicated.
There is a temptation these days to medicate painful feelings with drugs, legal (prescription and alcohol) or illegal, but the best way through painful feelings is through feeling them. In doing so, we experience the depths of our humanness and can grow into a bigger version of ourselves. This growth is the blessing of working through our grief. Through it we develop a deeper understanding of who we are and what’s important, a greater appreciation for life and compassion for others who are suffering.
So, quite a lot can happen while living in between!
If you identify with what is written here and feel you, or someone you know, would benefit from Claire’s expertise please contact us
© Claire Laurenson 2017
This blog is the author’s viewpoint and is not intended to replace professional medical advice.